Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Setting an example

For those of you who have not heard, my mother received the job offer I mentioned way back when and has already moved out to Cali to continue her life's journey while being a professional business woman. She is currently residing with us until her lease begins at the beginning of May. Her full title is Director of Development of a Medical Center, Stem Cell Research and Transplant Division. Can you say kick ass? Kick ass!

You see, my mom had always been a SAHM ever since I was a wee little one, but continued her college education with a Masters Degree in Journalism while being at home with me and my older brother. It wasn't until I was in high school that my mom took a full time job at a University to help ends meet for our family after the market crashed in '87. No, my dad wasn't a stock broker, he was in Commercial Real Estate which was just as bad once the market tanked. Even through the hard times, I never heard her complain. I am sure on many levels, she was thrilled to use her talents on more than PTA meetings. Did I mention she was president of the Mother's Club? Let's just say I was voted to be President of the PTA when I was in highschool. Rock on.

After I left for college, my parents split up, my dad moved away and my mom was left to clean up the mess. My mom's job at the university was still gratifying, but did not pay enough for her to continue to live alone and keep the house. So, she looked for better employment which in the end moved her out of state. Over the past 14 years, my mom has lived in several places and has done what it takes to make it happen.

Since my mother has arrived in town, I have been nothing but difficult to be around. I tend to carry other people's issues, hopes, dreams, and worries on my shoulders. It makes me feel very weighted. It was easier balancing my plate while no one in my immediate family lived near me. That way, what problems or concerns I did take on, were far enough away to push aside as needed. Now that my mother is living within 45 minutes of me, and for now, down the hall on the right, I have been consumed with more than I can handle. It is so my doing. I have learned to survive this way, get by this way, be needed this way. But, I have also been conditioned this way to behave. I am not certain of the origin, nor wanting to point fingers. The outcome is what needs the focus.

The day hubs went out of town last week, I was able to move aside one member of my "plate" and have a heart to heart talk with my mother. I explained my annoying behavior and hoped she would understand why I was feeling so "underwater". I was extremely grateful for the honesty that was shared that morning, from both of us.

Bottom line is this: I am the one that needs to let go, and I do feel I will be able to accomplish this and have a wonderful experience raising my child with both sets of grandparents living near by, but in the same breathe, I need to be given the opportunity to change.

If neither one happens, I could lose myself and I just can't afford it.



Jane is Dating said...

Ok may I ask some questions, E?

Did you guys live with your dad and visit your mom? that's interesting to me and I hope I"m not imposing.

Secondly. your mom ROCKS! Good for her that she persevered! Don't get down on yourself or don't let yourself 'go there' wherever this place is! :)

Good luck!

little miss mel said...

Jane- All of this happened when I was 19 years old during my freshman year in college so neither my brother nor I were still living at home at the time.

Yes, she is quite amazing. I am good to go. Change is hard for me at first. Luckily, I am aware of it. :)

BeachMama said...

Congratulations to your Mom for achieving so much, and what an awesome new job!

I am sure that once your Mom isn't living in your house you will be able to fall back into sync and will be good again.

180/360 said...

I'm not entirely sure that I understand your situation, but I think that with time you will figure out a new "relationship" with your mom being around again.

I haven't lived near my parents in 15 years, but I think it would be great to have them close to my children. It saddens me that mine see either set of grandparents once or twice a year.

Hang in there. It will get better.

Angella said...

I don't really know what to say, except that parent/child relationships are CRAZY when you're an adult...hope it all works out for you :)