Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Night and Day

Ok, so my last post was a fluff piece. No, actually, it was just about things that are fluffy, like reality tv. But today, I am on to something much deeper. Talk about range ladies and gentlemen! Aren't you excited? Sizzle Says did get me thinking....

I grew up in a truly loving, supportive family. I felt like we were one of the "it" families. If fact, I thought we rocked. Hell, if your family was still together by the time you hit high school, you were considered a success. Most of my memories are filled with my parents and my brother doing this or that together. So, looking back, I truly have no regrets when it comes to my childhood. Well, there was that one haircut in the 5th grade, but other than that, times were good. However, once I went away to college freshman year, everything changed when I returned.

My parents split up, my father moved away and I was left to care for my mother and brother. They didn't ask for my help, nor were they incapable of taking care of themselves, but to me, the only way of coping was to care for others who "needed me". I spent a good portion of my college days staying distracted. (socializing, partying, playing cards, you name it, I did it with a smile on my face.) There was no way in hell I was able to handle my truckload of problems, so I pushed them down really far, along with the pizza and beer, and looked for others to save.

When you bring alcohol or any other addiction to the table, you are dealing with a different scenario entirely. Someone can be an asshole, just cause they are, but when someone is an asshole due to their alcoholic personality, then you aren't just dealing with the asshole, you are dealing with the disease, the asshole and what got them there in the first place. It is entirely confusing, majorly frustrating and no one can completely fathom what it's like to walk in your shoes unless you have been scarred by the disease as well.

Only recently have I been able to obtain something that resembles peace when it comes to this major downer in my life. Unless, someone recognizes they are an addict, and is willing to get help to recover and face all the crap they laid behind them, then there is no point in wasting your time hoping for a normal day. That sounds ho hum in itself, but it's really not. It shows me there is NADA I can do to fix this, it has to be fixed by someone else, the guilty party. And if they are unable to recognize their addiction, then I truly can LET GO and find another way to fill this void.

And I am ok with that.



gorillabuns said...

i understand the father and their alcoholism, etc. my dad is one plus a truckload of everything else.

i just try to take care of myself, because, hey, that's the only thing i CAN control.

cocodrie said...

Don't. Stop. Believin'! Love you.

180/360 said...

Addiction is an ugly thing. But saying that, I think everyone is addicted to something (food, drink, control, etc.) The key is to find balance in everything.

In my life, I've accepted that change only comes from within. No matter how many times someone tells another to change, it won't happen if they don't want it. No one can change another person, although they can have an impact to make them want to change.

I hope that makes sense.

LVGurl said...

I keep trying to think of something to say, but we've had hours of conversation regarding this (and other related items). So ditto anything I've said in the past ;)

10% RULE!!

Debbie said...

I guess there are some things in life we're just never meant to understand.
I think that we, now as parents, can do our part by doing right by our children in ways that our parents may not have been able to do right by us.
(sorry for that crazy wordiness-hope it made sense!)

Big ol' hug to you...I know it hurts, and that just sucks.

little miss mel said...

gorillabuns- exactly, control is a huge part of this.

coco- thanks sugar. you rock

180- balance. reminds me i need to get back into my yoga. yes. being supportive of change is so helpful.

lvgurl- 10%. totally.

debbie- yes, we are not put here to parent our parents, just our kids. thanks for checkin in!

TherapyDoc said...

very nice post. do you think you'd have something about alcohol and relationships that you'd like to contribute to a carnival I'm hosting? It's coming right up, actually, on April 1. Check it out at this URL, and thanks if you do decide to write something new or go with something old, maybe even this one.